This weekend there were several moments when I could feel the funkiness approaching and I had to do my best to avoid the fumes of self ridicule that were seeping in to my happy little world. I had great expectations for this weekend and I barely put a dent in the mounting creativity that I have had to put on the shelf throughout my busy week. I could hear it calling to me each evening and early Saturday morning, but sadly all motivation was lost. I tried giving myself a kick-start by formulating a weekend ‘to do’ list (In case you didn’t know, I love lists!). No joy. Instead, the list had the opposite effect. It served as more of a reminder of all the projects that had escaped me throughout the week and I began to feel overwhelmed.
On Sunday, I tried to push through the dark clouds of laziness and forced myself to work on my photo organizing project. I figured that it was a good place to start, since it didn’t require much brain power to edit and organize my ever-growing collection of photography. I am planning to launch a line of greeting cards displaying my photo images on Esty in the next month or so and all I basically needed to do was organize my portfolio in to various sets (i.e. locations, dates, etc.). Once this is done, I will need to put in a bulk order and work on the listings. My hope was to have this all completed by the end of the weekend. After about an hour, I stepped away from the computer and decided to take a break and get some reading done.
I am reading the 2nd book in the Day by Day Armageddon series; Beyond Exhile by J.L. Bourne. It’s great! So, I curled up with my cat and escaped in to the fantasy world of Bourne’s modern-day apocalypse for a few hours until I began to daydream as I read the pages and realized that I was no longer following the story, but further procrastinating the completion of my photo task. I put my book down and went back to editing and organizing.
I managed to finish editing all of the photos from my trip to Guatemala and Belize. To give you an idea of how long I have been putting this off, this trip was in December of 2012. As I was working on organizing my portfolio in to categories, I came up with an idea of starting a feature on this blog to showcase my photos and gather input from my readers. As I mentioned earlier, I am interested in launching a line of greeting cards, but I am not sure which photos will be the most popular. Without this information, I would hate to put a printing order in for photos that are not of interest to anyone and/or end up selling out of the popular photos too soon. I am thinking of making it a weekly post and I have not yet decided as to whether I should have it on a set day or just ensure that it is done weekly. I am not a fan of limitation, so I will most likely just stick with any day of the week as long as it is done weekly. I look forward to getting your input, before delving too far in to the launch!
Having said that, I have been doing some thinking this morning about what fueled my very unmotivated weekend. I am beginning to fall back in to the uneventful 9-5 and I find myself coming home without the motivation to do anything, which means I put it all off until the weekend. Hence, feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by all the tasks I have before me. Looking back, I can see that I am again on the same path as before when I began to drift away from my dreams and float further in the direction of non-fulfillment. I cannot let this happen again!
When I first moved to Denver, I took several months off from working to reconnect with myself and finish my manuscript. I thought long and hard about what I would do when the time came for me to start working again and decided that the best thing for me to do would be to work with a staffing agency to fill my schedule with temp jobs, rather than full-time employment. I am a very hard worker, I am dedicated and loyal. These are great qualities, but partnered with my inability to put my needs before those of my employer, this usually results in my life becoming my work. This would be wonderful, if I was doing what I really wanted to do, but I am currently at the cross-roads on my career path and unfortunately I am not yet “qualified” to do what I love yet. My dream (as I have mentioned many times before) would be to make a living writing, editing, or selling antiques and photography. I received my cloak of legitimacy from the University of Washington, but unfortunately there are not many opportunities in these fields for someone with a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology and very little experience otherwise.
My book will be out soon, but I don’t expect it’s release to secure my financial future. Although, it may help to get my foot in the door in the writing field (fingers crossed). However, in the meantime I will still need to remind myself of the financial and emotional struggles I may face if I do not continue to endure the punching of the clock. It is important to not lose sight of this and it is equally important to remain motivated during the limited free time that I have. My current temporary stint has ended up being twice as long as planned and although the money is nice, I can feel it taking an emotional toll on my psyche. I guess the positive to all of this is that I am now able to recognize what is happening and therefore have a better chance of over coming the obstacles that lie ahead. I just need to keep moving. I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I just need to keep my head up and my eyes peeled forward.
I believe in a higher power and I know there is so much more in store for me, I just have to be patient and have faith. This is sometimes easier said than done, but it is a challenge I am anxious to overcome. Patience is not one of my strongest qualities and I strongly believe it is worth the time required to embrace it. I just need to stay focused!
I welcome anyone’s advice and as always thank you for reading!!